Tribewanted: Vorovoro

Respect to all the readers from around the globe. You’re tuning in to something worthwhile. Something unique. Something alternative. You may be reading this at home. Maybe you’re at work, boring work. Maybe you’ve been to Vorovoro before, maybe you’re coming in the future? Wherever you are and whatever you do… I bring you the last instalment from Tui Koli – currently typing away in the Ecotricity Hut using power collected from the wind turbine and the solar panels.

The month of March has flown by. Talks of one last hurricane never came into fruition. The weather has been super sunny with a touch of rain here or there. Enough to top up the waterfall shower and keep the tribe in natural ecstasy. Watch out for the black ‘n’ white banded water snakes, they’re quite partial to a shower themselves. Their venom is deadly. Alas, their fangs are too far back and unable to puncture our skin. Phew!

It’s time to crack on and bring the internet community up to speed with what was happening in Vorovoro during my last week of chiefyness. From the top, let’s go:

THE CONSTRUCTION OF MORE ACCOMMODATION: VALE 2 (photos attached)
The vale is sort of complete. But what does this mean? The frame is secure. Sweet. The roof is attached. Nice. The ground has been levelled. Good. But there are no walls! Bamboo is going to be used for this, a similar woven effect as the Grand Bure. Bamboo can only be collected when there is no moon. Pupu is all powerful but speeding up celestial planets is something he’s not capable of. The collection of bamboo will take place ASAP.

The large roof area will be capable of collecting large amounts of rainwater. Guttering and water tanks will need adding when there is some more cash flow. My budget has been spent.

Whenever a roof has been placed on a Fijian building a ceremonial grog session takes place under that particular roof. The framed space is massive, incorporating where the Love Shack used to be. And that is the spot where the tanoa (drinking bowl) was placed last Thursday night. I presented Team Fiji with some kava and thanked them for all their hard work. A massive vinaka vaka levu. The space has a really nice feel, plenty of room. I’m no fortune teller but I predict lots of happiness under this roof.

Word on the coconut wireless is that the chief hand over ceremony will take place in here. Oh gosh.

PIGLET PROBLEMS
You may recall a wee problem regarding the piglets – they could squeeze through the wire fence and were free to munch on Crimestopper Api’s radishes in Fruitopia. The sty was secured. Twice. The pigs now live in Fort Knox. So how the monkey do the piglets escape? Is there a secret floorboard? Do they pole vault? This is a mystery that only CCTV could solve. The tribe is currently investigating the phenomenon.

CHICKEN PICKIN’
Not only are the piglets detrimental to Fruitopia but the chickens are causing havoc with their scratching style. All chickens need capturing. Alive. Traps are being made laced with roasted coconut. Mmmm finger lickin’ good.

RAFTING
The tribe has been collecting bamboo in the attempt to build a raft. The tribe also likes lots of camp fires. Can you see the conflict of interests? The camp fires are winning. The raft crew is loosing momentum. And stocks.

MEKE
“Meke love, not war” – this is the slogan being used for some t-shirts. There’s often a daily class to bring the new members in to the wonderful world of meke – Fijian dancing. There’ll be a big meke session for Tui Mali at the chief hand over ceremony. He loves it. And we do to. MEKE!

MAP MAKING (photos attached)
All Saints Secondary School requested a map of their school. It has now been completed. A big thanks to all those tribe members who helped in its creation: Claire, Dan, Amy and Elaine.

Given enough time, I would have visited the school and complete a visual audit to create something really interesting and accurate. Instead, I was given a battered photo copy of a bird’s eye view of the school. Akuna matata. The end result has been getting positive feedback so it should go down a storm. An unveiling ceremony is being organised for some time soon. Any future maps will be done on a commission basis and profits donated to the Dream Foundation.

A shelter for the Vorovoro map is currently being constructed. Pupu (armed with a chainsaw) and myself (armed with a machete) hiked it up the hill to chop down two trees. The first one fell, no problems there. The second one fell and got stuck at a 45 degree angle! What to do? Pupu looked at me and said “nothing is hard in this world” He burst out laughing and then jumped up on the trunk and proceeded to climb the tree. This 68yr old man was a long way up, jumping up and down on an unstable trunk using his weight and gravity to bring it to the ground. As he tree-surfed, branches came crashing down around him as the tree made its way to a horizontal position. If you wanna see a living legend, come and spend some time with Pupu. Here’s one of his riddles:

What has a skirt? You lift the skirt and there is hair. You separate the hair and there is a line with teeth. What is this?

a
n
d

t
h
e

a
n
s
w
e
r

i
s

corn!

Did you think of something else?

KITCHEN TROUBLES
The infamous double barrel oven made by Pupu (Episode 1 of ‘Paradise or Bust’) needs repairing. The cement has arrived but the barrels still need collecting. Nothing happens quick in this part of the world. The cooks continue to adapt and feed the tribe handsomely. Mmmmm cake.

SHOWERS
The bucket showers both appear blocked. They get fixed but they soon revert to crapness. This is currently being rectified.

FITNESS FANATICS
A tribe member by the name of Elaine has started up a daily fitness class. Or as I call it: Looooooooooser’s Club. It seems extremely popular and this vexes me most deeply. So I bring to you: The Hammock Society. We make a pledge of no ‘conventional western exercise’ and discuss philosophical matters, spiritual things and general story telling. So at 4.30pm there is a collection of loonies doing leg raises, The Hammock Society sits nearby eating cake and shouting words of encouragement. We then grab some chilled beers and head up to one of the peaks to watch the sun set. What would you prefer to do in paradise? Would it surprise you that ten tribe members prefer to participate in a workout class and only three members watched the sun set? M to the E to the N to the T to the A to the L.

But respect due to Elaine, the Mali Sharks (rugby team) are coming to Vorvoro. The TV and the press are being contacted to generate more publicity. Can 27 giant, strong men survive a class with lil’ Elaina. I don’t think so.

WATER SUPPLIES
One of my manifesto aims was to increase the water supply. As mentioned before, the new Vale roof is a large catchment area. But there is also talk of a bore drill making its way to Vorovoro. The island has been surveyed and a suitable site has been found. This would ease all water worries of the future.

TUI MALI’S BOAT
The Big T has left his boat on Vorovoro. It has been moved up from the shore to his veranda using the rolling logs technique. It needs repairing and he has asked the tribe to help. Not a problem, the tribe is happy to help their favourite chief.

And speaking of chiefs, the new April chief by the name of Kaz has arrived safe ‘n’ sound. Her Zaishu (chair) project sounds unique and fits in perfectly cos it doesn’t require any manual labour from the Fiji Team, allowing them to continue with construction and Vorovoro maintenance. It all works out well in Vorovoro.

So will I miss chiefdom? It’s been a blinding experience, of that there is no doubt. Being part of this amazing project in such a significant role is something original to put on the CV.

As chief, a sudden invisible wall of respect came up between me and my Fijian friends. I look forward to them calling me by my real name and feeling free to joke around more. I can’t wait to chill out at the back of the grog mat, no more loneliness up at the top.

I will miss the Chief Bure and hanging out with Tui Mali drinking tea but look forward to setting a tent up on the beach.

The fresh fish tasted delicious but I look forward to returning to my veggie ways. It’ll make interesting future conversations, picture the scene…

I’m at a wedding reception, dinner has arrived, I’m the only one eating a vegetarian dish. A fellow guest inquires (as they always do):

“So how long have you been vegetarian?”

And I reply “Well, for almost a decade except for the time I was a Fijian Chief…”

The weight of responsibility, politics and decision making was felt, it takes up much mental space and my respect for the proper chief, Tui Mali, has deepened. There wasn’t any tribal coup so that’s a good sign. I’ve enjoyed being chief. And now, I feel confident that the transition of March chief to April chief will be a happy, smooth, progressive one. Enter the month of Kaz. You have my full support (from the hammock in the treehouse).

This is the last broadcast from Tui Koli. Over and out.