Tribewanted: Vorovoro

Calling out across the waves to all the people around the world, coming in live from the hammocks of Vorovoro… welcome to Hammock Society FM. And today, I bring you Vorovoro’s very own Beyonce… introducing to the whole world… Jelly.

My name not Jelly hahahahahahaha… Raijeli, like Rachel, not Jelly.

Excuse me, for the readers out there it’s pronounced ‘Chel-li’.

Bula sia everybody.

So… you’re a Mali girl, born and bred?

Yes. My mother is Francis and my father is Poasa. I was born here.

On Vorovoro… like a turtle?

No, hahahahahaha… in Labasa hospital.

Were you educated here?

Yes, I went to Mali District School… then to Suva, stay with Tui Mali and school there before coming back with his wife to All Saints Secondary School.

What was the best school?

Suva. Because All Saints is too strict, too much discipline. You have to wear uniform… long skirt…. plat your hair, keep it nice, Suva more relaxed.

I see you have a big blonde afro… what would your headmistress say now?

Hahahahahahahaha… I don’t know.

What do you use to dye your hair? Is it some sort of coral?

No! My hair is real. I was born blonde, yes. It come down from my great grandmother… that’s what I heard. My nieces are blonde too.

What about your children?

I don’t have any children hahahahahahaha.

Why?

I am not married, I am still single.

How old are you?

I am 26 years old.

The biological clock is looming… are you watching the boats full of new tribe members, seeing if there’s a potential husband onboard?

Hahahahahahaha…

Or maybe you have a boyfriend from Mali Island?

Nooooooo… you cannot eat breadfruit curry with breadfruit.

What a beautiful metaphor for inbreeding.

We’re all related in Mali.

If you marry someone from Mali you might make three-eyes babies…

Hahahahahahaha… maybe two noses.

So here you are on a remote island, how can we help you find a husband?

Fish! Hahahahahahaha…

Will your parents do the fishing for you?

I will choose my own husband because I am going to live with my husband.

Would you ask the man to go out with you?

Nooooo! I don’t ask them out. I am shy to ask. I wait for the man.

So what bait are you going to use to fish for your man?

Hahahahahahahaha… you can find me one man?...

Sure, let’s use the power of the internet and find you Mr. Incredible?

Hahahahahahahaha…

Should we cast the line out far, like to the whole world? Would you be interested in someone from Europe?

If I go and can come back to Fiji at weekends.

You’re gonna need a tardis.

What is a tar-dis?...

Something, that’s much quicker than an airplane. With one of these… you could even fish in outer space! But let’s keep it to one planet at a time. What sort of man would you like?

Good, loving, caring… strong.

I think he should be musical too.

Why?...

Because you play the guitar and together you could be the next big rock’n’roll couple… a bit like Johnny Cash and June Carter.

Hahahahahahahahaha.

Do you play any other instruments?

The organ… the ukulele.

Many talents, are you in a band?

No, I play in the church. It’s called the Revival Fellowship Christian Church in Labasa, maybe hundred people go.

Any crowd-surfing when you play?

Eh!

When you play, do people go nuts and start jumping up and down and bouncing around?

No! It is a church. We sing songs, play music, read the bible, make prayers.

So we’re looking for a good, loving, caring, strong, musically gifted, God loving man. Does that sound good?

Yes hahahahahahahaha…

In the meantime, you’ll be here working on Vorovoro…

I’ll be here in the kitchen… helping cooking, baking, washing… everything in the kitchen. The tribe bring lots of new recipes which we try to cook, look very nice.

Taste very nice too. Sometimes around the dining area, there is no talking cos everyone is just enjoying the food so much. All you can hear is the cutlery bouncing off the plates. Sometimes, in my eagerness, I miss my mouth and make a mess.

Hahahahahahaha… like when you eat pawpaw curry.

Ahhhhhhh… p-a-w-p-a-w c-u-r-r-y… I like to say it slow… it makes it sound even more delicious. I could eat it everyday. What’s your favorite meal?

Fish, baked fish. Cut them up, just the flesh and marinate them in garlic and onion… then sprinkle it in salt, wrap it in banana leaf and put it in the oven. Keep checking oven till looks nice, looks cooked.

And when you’re not cooking and laughing your flip flops off, you’re playing volleyball…

Yes, I like to play for fun.

Do you play any other sports?

Bit of netball, some touch rugby.

Any football/soccer?

No, don’t like getting my legs kicked.

The tribe have been here for two and a half years now, what big differences has it made to you and your family?

We now have new power called Jenny Wind Turbine in my house.

Ah yes, a gift from Alan Kelly – a very generous tribemember indeed.

Before we use a diesel generator, it makes lots of noise but Jenny is quiet.

What does she power?

A TV and DVD and lights. I only use it watch rugby sevens.

Have you got a refridgerator?

No, we never have one. We just keep the food in containers, something like that… or pick the food and cook it.

You have your very own supermarket here, what’s growing on the island?

Breadfruit, cassava, vundi…

Vundi! I love Vundi.

You try it?...

Yes, it’s manna from heaven. A big fat banana that you boil in water and the water turns to syrup.

The ants like it too… hahahahahaha…

I bet they do. What else grows here?

Bananas, pawpaw, avocado, mango.

Wow. There’s no need for the evil Tescos Supermarket chain to come here. Vorovoro is very happy thank you very much.

Nice life. We go fishing too, use the hermit crab as bait, throw the fishing line, catch the fish, bite it’s head and kill it… you have to be careful otherwise it might bite your lip… finish hahahahaha… throw it in the basket.

Are we talking about men here or fish… like fish fish?

Fish hahahahahahaha…

Phew! And when you bite it’s head, what does it taste like?

Seawater.

What if you catch a really big fish, bigger than your mouth?

Bang them on the ground, on the rocks.

Do you catch anything else?

We catch crabs too.

Are we talking about men?

No! Crabs! Hahahahahaha… we go to other end of the island on the full moon, in the mangroves, wait for the tide just about to go out. You just have to put your hand on the back of the crab. If you’re too slow… the crab will run off or bite your finger!

Have you been bitten?

Yes. I break off the claw from the crab and it opens up.

So here you are disarming crabs, crushing fish heads with your bare teeth… is there anything that scares you?

The frogs, they live here. I don’t like the frogs, the skin all bumpy.

All the better to put them in your bed!

No! Hahahahahahahahaha… I am part of the Hammock Society too. I will just bring the cake to the Hammock Society.

Sounds good to me, any last words to the tribe readers out there?

God bless and Go Hammocks!

And if you’re a good, loving, caring, strong, musically gifted, sporty, Christian who wants to save this blonde bombshell from gnarly frogs and live in paradise… then please send a photo and a little bit about yourself.

Hahahahahahahahahaha…

Until nest time readers… chill out, don’t work out!