Tribewanted: Vorovoro

Reaching out across the planet… I’m a big fat spider and you’re in the world wide web… bringing to you the latest and greatest stories from a lil’ place called Vorovoro. And today swinging away in the hammocks is the joker of Vorovoro, ladies and gentlemen please welcome Iserali Tale.

Bula sia everyone.

What was you doing before Tribewanted came along?

I was working in a mill and cutting sugarcane… working in a farm.

That sounds like hard work…

Very hard work. When you cutting sugarcane like this sometimes you step on the snake. Hssssssssssssssssss! Hahahahahaha…

Are they poisonous?

No, very lucky. I might be dead now.

Is there anything else lurking in the sugarcane?

There’s some big lizard too but they are OK.

How did you become part of Tribewanted?

I was cutting sugarcane and my dad was working here for the tribe, he told me to come and help him so that’s why I’m here. He passed away now, I take responsibility to look after my family. He left me lots of goats but they are all gone.

Did you turn them into curry?

No, thieves stole them and turn them into curry. Taken all the goats.

I’m sorry to hear that. In London, people’s pets get stolen – an Indian curry house near my home was closed down because dog and cat meat was found on its premises.

Hahahahahahaha…

It’s true. I would like a vindaloo with extra woof woof please.

Hahahahahahaha…

Did you keep the goats locked up in a pen or something?

No, just let them live on the mountain.

So how do you catch or steal a goat, they’re pretty nimble.

Run, barefoot… no trainers. Goats are very quick so you need lots of people so you chase them down near to the sea… make a circle and move them into the sea, wait for the goat to swim and then easy to catch.

We have one goat left here on Vorovoro but it only appears in the backgrounds of photos. Maybe it’s a ghost, I dunno… I’m guessing you went to the Mali District School, is that where they taught you to catch goats?

No… hahahahahaha… just normal classes. After that I went to a Muslim college.

Wow, are you Muslim?

Yeah.

Really?

No hahahahahahahahaha… I am Christian like my family.

So a big part of Fijian tradition is to cook a pig in the lovo… but Muslims don’t eat pork… so what would happen if you brought some meat left over from the lovo into school for your lunch?

If you eat it near them they will run away, they don’t want to see that hahahaha…

And when you was a little boy, what did you dream of when you would become a man?

To be married.

Really!? I wanted to be a stuntman.

I would like to be married… trying to find an English girl hahahahahahaha… I want to move to England, earn some money to help my family. I think England is a good place to stay. Be a father… have one dozen children hahahahahahahaha…

We celebrated your birthday recently, how old were you?

I am 21. That weekend I went out in Labasa, most young men do that. Go to the nightclub, go drink…

Do they serve kava in the nightclub?

No, just liqueur, beers… you drink kava at the market.

Yeah I’ve done that with a one-legged fella, good times. What sort of music do they play?

Mostly reggae music… Fijians like reggae music.

Are there any girls in the club is it one big sausage factory?

Hahahahahaha… girls too…

And what time do you go clubs finish… can you club till dawn?

No… 12 o’clock they close it, very strict right now. The army come in, tell the DJ to off the music, turn on the lights, go home. You cannot hang around outside, very dangerous.

Why?

When it’s 12 o’clock nobody should walk on the street, it’s like a curfew, even for tourists… otherwise the army will beat you up.

Why are they so harsh?

A while ago, two men were fighting and a man was pushed down the stairs and he rolled down… dead. That’s why the army are so strict.

It sounds just like home, wherever there be booze there be trouble. So as a young Fijian, do you prefer alcohol or kava?

Kava. It’s cheaper than alcohol and when you drunk on it you don’t have to walk around because you drink it at home, you just fall asleep hahahahahaha…

We drink plenty of the stuff here on Vorovoro… does it make you a better musician?...

I think so hahahahahahaha… I play the guitar upside down hahahahahaha… I’m left handed.

Does that mean your brain is upside down?

Hahahahahahahahahaha… one of my friends is left handed too and he teach me.

Do you enjoy your new job or do you miss cutting the sugarcane?

I really love my new job. Really love it.

And recently you’ve been leading some of the cultural classes teaching Fijian songs that we sing round the grog mat, how’s that working out for you?

It’s a little bit hard to translate Fijian song to English so I work really hard to find out the meaning of it, but I did it… I’m really glad I can teach the tribe. I write the words on the blackboard and use a stick to point to them, if the tribe get it wrong I smash them! Hahahahahahahaha…

I think you’ve been watching to much WWE wrestling?

Hahahahahaha… yeah, I really love wrestling. My favorite is John Sena, he’s the best.

Please refrain from wrestling the tribe if they mispronounce the words…

I’ll try.

I find it surreal to be in a remote part of the world that’s fascinated with wrestling. What else do you like watching?

I like action movies… I love Bruce Willis.

Where do you get the movies from?

In town… Labasa… not original copy hahahahahaha… pirate, only $2 hahahahahaha!

It’s a bargain, and pretty good copies too. So when you’re not watching wrestling, movies, drinking grog, clubbing, teaching songs… what are you doing?

This week we making a pig pen, quite big job. We chop the grass down, burn it… put the posts on, then the wire to make it straight… level the ground… quite a big job.

What about that smelly job we were both doing this morning?

Yeah… hahahahahahaha… we empty the compost toilets, put it in the garden to help the soil, make it good for growing… the banana tree, the pawpaw tree.

You know, emptying the compost toilets sounds worse than it actually is, they hardly smell. It’s insane to think how much water is wasted each day by flush toilets. We need more compost toilets in the world.

The bugs like them… hahahahahaha… and that white monster!

Yeah, that big white grub we found! We can go one step further than frog bombing with that miniature Jabba the Hut. We can put it in the bed of an enemy of the Hammock Society… let me think… Amy’s been training to run the four peaks and swim the island, let’s put it in her bed while she’s away on holiday.

Hahahahahahahaha… it’s a good idea.

A while ago when I interviewed Giles (Project Director Year 2), I asked him if you were a part of the human body what part would you be? He said you was the bum.

Hahahahahaha… eeeeeeehooooooooooo!

Here’s your chance… what part of the animal/human body would Giles be and why?

He’s the tail because he is always moving around.

You disappoint me Tale, that was a golden chance to come back, oh well…

Hahahahahahaha…

Any last words for the readers out there?

Come to Vorovoro and see me, we drink some grog together.

Excellent, let’s go pound some kava. Until next time readers… remember: chill out, don’t workout. Go Hammocks!