Tribewanted: 'The Official Hammock Society Blog' by James Kerridge

The Godfathers plaque

By Jimbo, , Posted 26 May 2008

Yo yo yo readers. This is Tribewanted Gapper FM, coming in live from Vorovoro, home of Tribewanted.

How you all feeling?
Is work stressing you out?
Is your boss a dip stick?
Are your co-workers a bunch of dunce breeds?
Is modern life getting you down? Face like a clown.

Let me cheer you up with some Vorovoro goodness. But before I begin, get yourself a beverage. This is a blog about chilling out. A movement is beginning and you could be part of it.

One of my covert missions as part of the Tribewanted team is too sabotage any sweaty exercise, a paradise blasphemy, in the name of the almighty Hammock Society (H.S.).

The H.S. was formed on Saturday 22 March 2008 to counteract the wrongness that was happening on Vorovoro… a gruesome, sweaty exercise class that should be reserved for gyms, not this eden. The three original godfathers were Chris Riley, Andy Beable and my good self. Every other tribe member seemed to be participating in hardcore, exercise classes targeting the legs, bums ‘n’ tums. Including fellas. Gaylords. It was led by the lovely Elaine, who we coined Queen Pulse – our mortal enemy. Her daily torture class took place daily behind the Grand Bure and left the tribe in pain. Poor, poor muppets. Queen Pulse obviously had hypnotic powers so eye contact was dangerous. The H.S. had to proceed very, very carefully.

The first demonstration was fairly passive. Once Queen Pulse had worked the class up into a frenzied sweaty mess we would sit nearby and devour cake. Maybe offer the class some scrumptious cookies, hoping that the subjects would end this exercise nonsense. Embrace the cake. Come and appreciate the sunset.

Watching Andy ‘n’ Chris leave the island left me feeling desperately outnumbered. The majority of the tribe were under some sort of spell. Perhaps Queen Pulse had powers equal to Lord Voldemort. And then, like a blessing from the heavens, reinforcements arrived. Rachel was no fool and knew hammocks were the way forward, as did Linda (the current chief). But the real power came in the form of Angel, Kelly and Gillian. Unlike the previous H.S. members, they were kids. Cute, mischievous, imaginative kids. Meetings were held in the treehouse to discuss tactics. A t-shirt and banner was created to promote our message:

Chill out. Don’t workout.

The Ten Commandments were laid down:
1. No sweaty exercise. Leave that at home in the gyms. You’re in paradise.
2. Embrace cake at tea time.
3. Use hammocks daily.
4. Only run in case of emergency.
5. Always bring the banners to advertise the H.S. at the Isa Lei. (This is the good bye song for tribes leaving the island).
6. Ban exercise club members from joining the H.S. You cannot be in both.
7. Always attend H.S. meetings in the tree house.
8. Recite the H.S. Oath at each meeting.
9. Check website for regular updates (currently under construction by Kelly)
10. Always alert Jim if a problem occurs.

Now make the peace sign with your hand and recite the oath:

My oath to the hammock is to relax and chill.
To reject all thins active and eat cake to my fill.
My oath to the hammock, I’ll respect and abide.
And when Elaine comes a pulsing I’ll lay back in pride.

A couple of the lads from Team Fiji declared their allegiance. Shouts of “Go Hammocks” echoed around the island. The tribe was split in two. That day the kids took the demonstrations to new levels. Armed with the banners, they stormed the exercise class and proceeded to shove biscuits into the mouths of Queen Pulse and her loooooooooser’s brigade. I was very, very pleased. The following day water pistols were used. The H.S. patrolled the hammocks and squirted any exercise member found chilling. We grew stronger recruiting some superb members. Respect to Andy the Didge Man for the continual biscuit assault and his moonie tactics. Chris ‘n’ Andy would be proud.

When it was time for me to leave I was confident the H.S. movement would continue. Especially with Sosi (from Team Fiji) giving it the “Go Hammocks” regularly. Nice one.

And now I’m back, it is with great pleasure to say that the vibe is still alive. Yes yes. However, it saddens me to report that Batman has lost his Joker. Queen Pulse has left the island. She’ll be missed. Fun times were had. But it seems an outdoor gymnasium is currently being constructed so there is plenty of work left for the H.S.

Go Hammocks!

Comments

By Aidan Wood, Hampshire, UK Posted May 26, 2008 5:11pm

Keep up the good work Jim!!! How is your partner “The Pontoon Society” fairing up since we have all left the island. Obviously this doesnt include swimming either as that counts as excercise… The Vorovoro boats and a large bit of wood will help you “punt” your way out. From here the calls of excersise are just a mere whisper in the wind!

By Avril Fletcher, Devon, England Posted May 26, 2008 6:03pm

its seems to me to be a ‘Swallows and Amazons eat your hearts out’!!!

By Hannah Sinclair, Wellington, New Zealand Posted May 26, 2008 11:10pm

Great blog Jim! I’m glad my yoga classes didn’t upset your society – I don’t know how we would have lived together on the island if that had been the case. How is the “Anti-Hammock Society” founded by Cally coming along?!

By Pamela Coupe, , Posted May 27, 2008 4:29am

cheify babes, brilliant blog. Has anyone else stepped up to continue classes? Stood strong with the hammock society when we met up with the original founders (andy and Chris), spent our time chilling and they introduced us to oreo milkshakes-naughty!!!!! Glad all sounds so much fun in the world of vorovoro, enjoy xxxxx
PS angel, kelly and jilly, hope your all proud of your legacy-well done girls xxxxx

By stingers, Middlesex, UK Posted May 27, 2008 10:43am

Fantastic stuff. I feel as if I was a member of the HS before there even was an HS, as it were. Pre-hammockian. There were times on Vorovoro when we could even be arsed to make the efoort to get in the hammocks – that’s how HS we were. Hardcore.
One caveat – I think you need a good number of exercisers to gently mock from the comfort of your hammock. Otherwise everyone’s trying to get into a limited number of hammocks – and well, that way lies chaos. Or scuffles, anyway.

By Jale, Vorovoro, Fiji Posted May 27, 2008 10:59pm

hammock society and workout society, are in danger of creating 2 political parties on the island?

By Kazoo, California, USA Posted May 27, 2008 11:37pm

i agree with stingers, we need yin and yang in order to find our purpose and alignment with one or the other. and cake is so much sweeter when nibbled as others sweat and strain…

go hammocks!!!

By Olivia Fiddes, , Posted May 28, 2008 7:10am

jim i am 100% dedicated to this society if no other in my life. i remmeber you were writing this while i discovered my oreo stash had been infiltrated by ants.. and we ate them anyway :) ho ho xxxxx

By Beabs, Kent, UK Posted May 30, 2008 6:32am

Well well well..and so here it is in writing. What a movement that has begun. And we know where it started. I couldn’t have put it better myself.
Hope the chillin’ is continuing to spread throughout the camp, and exercise is close to becoming illegal!

Chill out, don’t work out.

By Keli, Ontario, Canada Posted May 30, 2008 1:05pm

WAAAAHOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Thanks for the metion Jim! Jillo and I are proud to be part of the HS and are happy the 10C’s are still being used!

CHILL OUT DONT WORK OUT CHILL OUT DONT WORK OUT!!!!GO HAMMOCKS! the website is www.hammocksociety.piczo.com PLEASE VISIT! The advertisment is comin soon!!!!!!

Keli

By Kevin Kimpel, Indiana, USA Posted May 30, 2008 7:20pm

My own time on Vorovoro predated the H.S. vs Excersize fanatics, but the beginnngs where taking shape with both Jimbo ( then Chief ) and Elaine both on the island in early March. I am glad both camps can co-exist in such a lovely part of paradise.
I have a feeling I would have joined the hammock
society but would still have done the 4 peaks challenge. My advice to diehard H.S. members
don’t be so laid back that you forego doing the 4 peaks challenge the views are too awesome to miss

By Kevin Kimpel, Indiana, USA Posted May 30, 2008 7:21pm

By Elaine-rose Murray, , Posted Jun 3, 2008 1:40pm

Hey :) Queen Pulse here .. ;)

Your blog made me laugh till it hurt …. (1,000 crunchies this morning .. ;)

I thought it was only fair to defend myself after being portrayed as an evil pain mistress ;) Joint membership for tribies was refused point blank by the founder of the Hammock Society who was clearly threatened by soaring membership numbers. Support from VoroGym even extended to writing the oath after Jim and Chief ran out of creative inspiration …

The coconut and rock workout (a gentle ???!intro to fitness in beautiful surroundings) meant that tribies could keep up with Pu Pu’s superhuman fitness levels, indulge even more of Aunty Va’s delicious cake, and keep up with Giles-the-superfit-super-skipper) on the his 4 peak challenge.

VoroGym received such support that tribies even filmed a promotional video (Gyula … where did that go!!! it was so fuuny :)

Seriously … I loved every minute of being on the island and the classes were a great laugh with fellow tribies .. the hardcore Vorogym mentalists being Gyula, Vic, Amy, Giles, Vanessa, Claire, Dan, Kurt, Sossy, Tally to name a few – a good chance to get together, jump around a bit to some (dubious) music, and to watch each other slap their arses (it helps with the pain – lactic acid can be a bugger ;)

I hope that Giles and Amy will keep up VoroGym & that the hammocks stay swinging …. chats, star gazing and reading in Hammocks are an essential part of the VoroVoro experience and I spent many an hour in them (whilst pulsing of course :)

Elaine Rose